Adventure Bike Rider Forum

phil_h wrote: ↑Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:49 pm

Flipflop wrote: ↑Mon Apr 06, 2020 3:27 pm They’ve put Boris on one of those new Dyson respirators - apparently he’s picking up nicely.

Unfortunately they now think there is a fault in the equipment because it seems to be continuously blowing hot air ?

....because he's a personality vacuum ?

"I found £20 on the ground in a car park, and I wondered what Jesus would have done? So I turned it into wine..."

A man walks into a doctor’s office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.
“What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

Our local dog kennels is in financial difficulties - they are calling in the retrievers.

Q. What you call a boomerang that doesn't come back
A. A stick

What is the country coming to?

Witnessed totally disgusting behaviour on the beach at Weymouth today, a man and a woman arguing in front of a load of kids, then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them, the police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it.

Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages.

Prince Charles is being shown around a Scottish hospital.

At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:

Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm.

The Prince, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:

Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.

This continues with the next patient:

Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"

"Well," Prince Charles says to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns unit.

Steve T wrote: ↑Sun Apr 12, 2020 9:33 pm "this is the Serious Burns unit.

Excellent! I managed to work it out by the third verse. Good joke. Probably too good to be in 'groan' actually.

What borders on stupidity?

Mexico and Canada.