A modest proposal to boost motorcycling

[Richard Simpson Mark II]

Now here's an idea.
Who saw the women's Modern Pentathlon?
A 'naughty horse' got the lead athlete demoted to 30th place after it decided it didn't like jumping.
So, get rid of the horses.
Replace them with motorbikes, and run them against the clock over obstacles using the 'trials' scoring system of a penalty for each time you put a foot down up to three, and five if you stop, stall, or fall off. One point = 10 seconds on your elapsed time.
It would make Modern Pentathlon as popular as 'Kickstart' was on the TV in the 1970s.
Switching to motorbikes would make the sport more 'equal', 'diverse' and 'urban': all stated aims of the Olympic chairman.

[daveuprite]

Now here's an idea.
Who saw the women's Modern Pentathlon?
A 'naughty horse' got the lead athlete demoted to 30th place after it decided it didn't like jumping.
So, get rid of the horses.
Replace them with motorbikes, and run them against the clock over obstacles using the 'trials' scoring system of a penalty for each time you put a foot down up to three, and five if you stop, stall, or fall off. One point = 10 seconds on your elapsed time.
It would make Modern Pentathlon as popular as 'Kickstart' was on the TV in the 1970s.
Switching to motorbikes would make the sport more 'equal', 'diverse' and 'urban': all stated aims of the Olympic chairman.

Tracie and I were just talking about this yesterday. We keep horses and we know how they can be. The modern pentathlon needs to ditch them, like you say. You will never be able to guarantee that all of the horses supplied at the venue will behave and jump in the same way - so a large variable is thrown into the competition that has little to do with the rider (who is the one competing for the medal). I know the horse you ride is picked out of a hat, but nevertheless it's a big factor. Replacing with a motorbike is not a bad idea.

I don't much like horse-jumping and eventing as olympic events either because it means horses being transported huge distances around the world by air, to compete in sometime sweltering conditions.

Perhaps ramps leading up to 2 metre jumps and every competitor gets a 350EXC or something...?

[Snaf MKII]

Horse refuses to jump, blame the horse. Clearly the rider lost it after the first refusal at that point she shouldn't even contemplate continuing until she was composed, the horse has lost trust at that point and the rider was risking injury to herself and the horse. Unfortunately only one gets fixed if it all goes wrong.
Just imagine if these were bikes and a rider fell and injured themselves, the bike would get the blame and we'd all be associated with dangerous machines on public roads. Never mind boost for motorcycling it would probably have the opposite effect.

Reminds me a local lady who brought her horses to MX events to get them used to bikes and noise, she was completely calm and so were the horses.

[Elmer J Fudd]

I guess the idea is to show skill in controlling an unknown horse, which is fair enough. However surely if the horse is clearly having a bad day then the judges should retire the horse and give the competitor a replacement and time to get to know it?

Parity of competition should be paramount.

[Brenhden]

Why aren't they allowed to use their own horses?

Honestly I don't get horses at all but each to their own. My ex was a big horse fan, ex eventer and pro groom etc etc, we had much amusing banter about which was better bikes or horses.

Bikes are clearly better, I've only ever had one poo its guts out onto the road. Horses do it ever day.

[daveuprite]

Honestly I don't get horses at all but each to their own. My ex was a big horse fan, ex eventer and pro groom etc etc, we had much amusing banter about which was better bikes or horses.

Bikes are clearly better, I've only ever had one poo its guts out onto the road. Horses do it ever day.

Well I don't disagree with any of that, Bren ! And we've got 2 horses, 2 ponies and 3 donkeys knocking about the place.

If ever I hear someone (a kid or a grown up) say the words "Perhaps we'll get a horse" - I shudder and tell them to pay for a go at a riding school once a month just to get it out of their system, then leave all the feeding, mucking out, fly rugs, stable rugs, manure and bedding to someone else.

Motorbikes don't answer back and it's only you with your hand on the throttle...

[Richard Simpson Mark II]

I believe the Modern Pentathlon was based on the idea that it was 'an officer's duty to escape' ...hence you had to fight a duel, shoot your way out of a situation, run away, swim a river and steal a horse.
Aligning the sport with the modern objective of making the Olympics more 'urban' substituting the stolen horse for a motorcycle would seem to be bang on.

Alternatively, I think the idea of the 'random' horse is to prevent the well-heeled turning up with a better horse than anyone else can afford. Some years ago while collecting scores at a horse 'event', I was surprised to see one Zara Phillips competing in the 'novice' class. Apparently, this was because the horse was the novice: the horse makes a far bigger contribution to success or failure than the rider.

I quite like the idea of horse riding. But my brother, who has raced motocross and has a wife and a daughter who are 'horsey' points out that if you break a bike you can just put it in the shed until you have the time and money to fix it.

If you want to won a horse, then that animal pretty much dominates your life. It always has first call on your time and your money.

[Brenhden]

When you get off a bike it generally ceases to be dangerous. Not so with a horse. Even the most bonkers bike can be parked safely. Also unlikely to damage itself will not being ridden

[simonw]

<snip> If you want to won a horse, then that animal pretty much dominates your life. It always has first call on your time and your money.

Sorry, and this differs from owning one or more motobikes how, exactly?

[daveuprite]

Some good home truths coming out here. When Tracie and me introduce ourselves to somebody new we always say that we have two nice simple cheap hobbies - keeping horses and riding motorbikes.... ! It's a close contest as to which costs more, being as I used to collect exotic sportsbikes like confetti and Tracie added more gee-gees to the herd. When I was racing, I outspent her quite splendidly - racing, even at club level, just drinks money. But as has been said, the horses are an endless pit of cash, always needing something or other, always eating, always shitting....