Request for some Light-hearted Relief Please.....

[MidnightSerenity]

Right then, favourite joke time Gentlemen....(and Ladies...I know you are out there!!)

I'll start....and if you don't mind, I'll award laughs if it makes me smile...feel free to do the same!!

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: = belly chuckle

:laugh: :laugh: = chuckle

:laugh: = for effort


Q: What did the policeman say to the belly button?
A: You're under a vest....

I know, I know that was a poor one!

[Bushman_uk]

Harley Davidson died and went to heaven and was boasting to God how he had created the best motorcycle in the world !

God disagreed saying BMW's were better designed bike.

Harley said " what the heck do you know about design . You created women and look at the problems we have with them !"

"ahem" says God "I think you will find a lot more men are riding my creation than yours " !!!!!

[Warthog]

I mean no disrespect to the departed with my contribution. It's just that its silliness makes me chuckle every time (even when I tell it to myself: how sad is that?)

OK, so here goes:

Why did Edward Woodward have 4 D's in his name?
Because, otherwise he'd be called E-waar Woo-waar!


I'll get my coat...

[Alun]

So, there's this illusionist riding down the road...and then he turned into a drive.

[MidnightSerenity]

Hmmm....so far it's :laugh: :laugh: for a combined effort!!! The above jokes did make me chuckle!!

[f2uk]

Read this one on another forum so i thought I would share it.

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says,
"Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a Fifty Pound note on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain."Why on earth would an accountant get a Fifty Pound note tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, for one... I like to watch my money grow.

Two... once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three... I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly... instead of you going out wasting money on shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow fifty quid anytime you want."

[MidnightSerenity]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[LargeWayRound]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[MidnightSerenity]

I've had best part of a bottle of red and the only one I can think of now is this:

Q: What did the toothpaste say to the toothbrush?
A: Squeeze my bottom, and I'll meet you outside....

Do I get any Karma's for effort?! :silly:

[Bushman_uk]

Ok one to start the week end off

A man had a visitation from God and God tells him to get into heaven he must give up smoking, drinking and sex.

The man says he will try ... A fortnight goes by and God visits the man to see how he is doing

"not bad " says the man "i have given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the freezer i just could not help myself and we had anal sex!"

"We don't like that sort of behaviour in heaven" says God

The man replies " there are not to happy about it in Asda either"